Humdrum, ennui, melancholy – how did life become this way? She sought spirituality in her garden. Clearing weeds,
watching the blossoms unfold, and the fireflies flit at night – this was her meditation. She shunned opulence and
worldly possessions. Simpler was better – purer – closer to the universal source. For a time this was enough.
The July sun baked her skin, the flies attacked her sweat, blisters appeared on her hands – she sighed. Is this all
there is to life? Is my purpose to go to work and come home and work some more? I am ready for my life to change.
This is not enough.
The air rumbled from an approaching thunderstorm. And she knew. And she was afraid. The universe had heard her
plea. There was no backing down. Change was going to happen, and she did not like change. If she had known the
pain and the pitfalls of the new path, she would be placed upon, she would have run the other way. This was too
much.
She realized she had no fear of death. It was life that terrified her. She was not afraid when a bullet passed by her
temple one day while golfing or the two times she endured rabies shots. No – she was afraid that the garbage man
would get sick if he forgot to wash his hands after touching her dirty trash can. This was plain ridiculous.
Humdrum, ennui, melancholy – how did life become this way? She sought spirituality in writing. Researching,
creating, imagining the unimaginable this was her meditation. She shunned the violent evening news and insane
gossip of television. Simpler was better – purer – closer to the universal source. For a time this was enough.
Her hand cramped from typing, back ached from sitting, a dust particle danced before her eyes – she sighed. Is this
all there is to life? Is my purpose to work and come home and work some more? I am ready to change my life. This
is not enough.
The power went out. The computer screen went blank. And she knew. And she was leery. The universe had heard
her plea. There was no backing down. Change was going to happen, and she still did not like change. There would
be pain and pitfalls on the new path, she had been placed upon, she could not run away. The universe was
everywhere and everything – there was no place to hide. This was how it was.
She realized she no longer feared life – it was herself that terrified her. She was no longer afraid of criticism or
rejection letters – no she was afraid of letting her real self out of hiding. Hidden for so long who would remain by her
side if they knew her authentic self. This was the miraculous.
Humdrum, ennui, melancholy – life was no longer this way? She sought spirituality in life experiences themselves.
Spirituality might be unearthed in an ashram but life had to be unearthed out in the world. One was no good without
the other.
Her legs battered and bruised, a slight niggle in her stomach, her ear ached from speaking on the phone – she
grinned.. A 45 knot gust, a 21' capsized sailboat, a Coast Guard rescue – she had relinquished the sailboat to the
waves and swam to the coast guard boat. The waves swelled, rain pelted, lightning flashed, all the cliches of a storm
at sea. Yet, as her arms propelled her through the turbulent water she was at peace – calm. She smiled, bleeding,
wet, freezing – this was a moment to experience, to remember – this was the moment she knew she wanted to start
living and stop merely existing.
watching the blossoms unfold, and the fireflies flit at night – this was her meditation. She shunned opulence and
worldly possessions. Simpler was better – purer – closer to the universal source. For a time this was enough.
The July sun baked her skin, the flies attacked her sweat, blisters appeared on her hands – she sighed. Is this all
there is to life? Is my purpose to go to work and come home and work some more? I am ready for my life to change.
This is not enough.
The air rumbled from an approaching thunderstorm. And she knew. And she was afraid. The universe had heard her
plea. There was no backing down. Change was going to happen, and she did not like change. If she had known the
pain and the pitfalls of the new path, she would be placed upon, she would have run the other way. This was too
much.
She realized she had no fear of death. It was life that terrified her. She was not afraid when a bullet passed by her
temple one day while golfing or the two times she endured rabies shots. No – she was afraid that the garbage man
would get sick if he forgot to wash his hands after touching her dirty trash can. This was plain ridiculous.
Humdrum, ennui, melancholy – how did life become this way? She sought spirituality in writing. Researching,
creating, imagining the unimaginable this was her meditation. She shunned the violent evening news and insane
gossip of television. Simpler was better – purer – closer to the universal source. For a time this was enough.
Her hand cramped from typing, back ached from sitting, a dust particle danced before her eyes – she sighed. Is this
all there is to life? Is my purpose to work and come home and work some more? I am ready to change my life. This
is not enough.
The power went out. The computer screen went blank. And she knew. And she was leery. The universe had heard
her plea. There was no backing down. Change was going to happen, and she still did not like change. There would
be pain and pitfalls on the new path, she had been placed upon, she could not run away. The universe was
everywhere and everything – there was no place to hide. This was how it was.
She realized she no longer feared life – it was herself that terrified her. She was no longer afraid of criticism or
rejection letters – no she was afraid of letting her real self out of hiding. Hidden for so long who would remain by her
side if they knew her authentic self. This was the miraculous.
Humdrum, ennui, melancholy – life was no longer this way? She sought spirituality in life experiences themselves.
Spirituality might be unearthed in an ashram but life had to be unearthed out in the world. One was no good without
the other.
Her legs battered and bruised, a slight niggle in her stomach, her ear ached from speaking on the phone – she
grinned.. A 45 knot gust, a 21' capsized sailboat, a Coast Guard rescue – she had relinquished the sailboat to the
waves and swam to the coast guard boat. The waves swelled, rain pelted, lightning flashed, all the cliches of a storm
at sea. Yet, as her arms propelled her through the turbulent water she was at peace – calm. She smiled, bleeding,
wet, freezing – this was a moment to experience, to remember – this was the moment she knew she wanted to start
living and stop merely existing.
| "One Moment" by Colleen O'Brien |
"A Note from Colleen"
More About Colleen
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| Contact Colleen O'Brien at: cobrien@commakazes.com |